12:31 am - September 08, 2004
Friendship
Wow, I'm getting tired of crying. I mean, honestly. It's just like it's a nightly thing. And man did I suck tonight. Honestly. I mean, you might as well strike me down with a bolt of lightning for the things that I said tonight because I felt like a horrible person after it was all said and done.
What's the worst part about the whole thing? That I was dumb enough to leave him standing there on his own. I mean...I knew it. I know that his fear is people just walking away from him. And what did I do? I didn't walk away from him in the sense of a friendship, but I physically walked away from him. I stormed out of his room, and when he yelled for me, I walked away from him still. He followed me to my room, where we proceeded to yell at each other for about 25 minutes. I'm pretty sure that my suitemates just loved that.
I've never fought so much with one person. How is it that I can thank God for this guy some nights, but the next night I have to sit there and be like, "What the heck are you trying to teach me, God? I don't get it!"
I'm getting used to a lot less sleep now. Why? Because this is when we talk. This is when we sit, and he teaches me about my life from his room on the other wing of the building. This is when I sit on the couch in his living room, and we just talk to each other like we've known each other all our lives. This is when we fight and yell at each other. How do we get past this stage? I want him to be able to fall, but I just keep screwing up. How am I supposed to get him to trust me? When we're not screaming at each other, things are so much fun. I mean, how could I ask for a better best friend than what he offers me?
Just simply standing in the elevator and fighting over pushing the button, hearing him call me a "betch" and me call him a "skank" and life seems perfectly happy. Today was the first time that I haven't eaten with him since I met him, I think. It's just all crazy.
And now Ryan and I have a bond. He came over, and we hung out tonight with Corey and Brian for a little bit before the crap hit the fan later on.
Classes and all of these crazy meetings are keeping me really busy. And tomorrow starts the practice schedule and what not. There is so much to do. I'm falling behind on my homework, mostly because I spend so much freaking time with the Gammas and being on the internet. I gotta find a way to start getting more homework done, ASAP.
And now things are better. How can 15 minutes change something so drastically? We are the weirdest set of best friends ever! I mean...weirder than me and Britt, and you all know that's saying something.
I gotta get some sleep. Stop talking to me, boy!
Love Always,
Alison
