6:52 pm - October 12, 2004
Friends!
Wow, let's discuss last night.
Do you know what it feels like to feel worthless? Like you mean nothing? Most people don't get this feeling from their best friends, but that's what Robert did to me last night, and I was more upset than I have been in a long time. I felt like I did a horrible job coaching last night because I couldn't even control my own emotions long enough to be a good coach. The girls all asked me to come back last night, and that's going to take a lot of prayer and talking with the girls. I love my girls. Vanessa, Trisha, Becca, Ashley Smith, Ashley B., Amanda, Alondra, Lilly, Jessica, all of them. And I know they love me. I just kinda feel like it's a dictatorship...not a joint effort like it's supposed to be. I want to coach them, but I don't feel as though I can lead things the way that I want to. I feel suppressed. I have so many ideas of what I want to do with them, and especially if I get to start over with all of them in the summer and everything. We'll see.
There was almost nothing that could comfort me last night. Hearing my mom's voice was huge though. And then of course, my friends are amazing. Like right now, I love Brian Maloney so much. He's awesome. Corey has been so great lately, as well. And Jeannie and Kristen are always there for me. I really do have some seriously amazing friends here at school.
Then think about this: Brinny, Kim, Bryan, Jordan, Travis...etc. I miss Courtney too, which is odd. I haven't missed anyone from high school until we were text messaging each other this weekend.
I have RHA tonight at 9:00 until 10:00. I'm kinda looking forward to it. I like it a lot; Eric Raider and Todd rock my world, as does Leah Allman. The meeting tonight should be a little shorter...one would hope. I'm on the November committee...and the January one. POLAR BEAR RUN! Lol.
I don't have any homework tonight, so I'm in a good mood. Plus, I napped for 3 total hours today, so that makes me in an even better mood. Only 9 more classes to go to until Fall Break! And my horrible Psych 100 class got cancelled! Holler! It's such a horrible class. I saw Dr. Essman today. He's so nice.
So here's the plan for Grad. school. I'm not thinking ahead or anything.
Kristen, Jeannie, Susan, Corey, and Brian are moving into a house together.
Susan=Phoebe
Alison=Rachel
Kristen=Monica
Brian=Chandler
Corey=Ross
Jeannie=Joey!!!
It's awesome...if it actually happens, I would be ecstatic. We would have way too much fun together. I'm going though.
Love Always,
Alison
