3:32 pm - October 09, 2004
Home for the weekend...
Where am I? I'm at home...on my freaking slow computer.
It was surprisingly sad leaving school on Friday. I didn't want Robert to leave, and I hated seeing Jeannie and Kristen leave, and then when I actually left, I felt like I had a big whole in my heart. Oh well, it's not like it's Christmas break. How am I going to make it a month without seeing everyone? I mean, really!?!?
Tonight is going to be awesome though. I'm actually going to the MV soccer Sectional Final with KIM CHERRY! Yeah buddy! And Joy and Lani and Brian and Scott and Doug and Ryan and everyone and their mom is gonna be there! I can't wait to see everyone! I never thought I would be so excited to be at a high school function because I don't miss MV at all, but still...I guess I have a place in my heart for the Marauders after all. Or maybe just soccer boys. Hehe.
This past week was pretty hard on me. I had some serious problems with my friends that had to be resolved, and it was rough on me. It's still really rough on me because I've realized that I've become someone that I didn't want to be. I am officially fake. And Heavens knows I never wanted that. But I am...I'm a fake person, and I lie now, too. And that makes me feel like...more worthless than you can ever imagine. I'm not honoring God with my life in the way that I should be, and it's just gotta change. Immediately. Plus...I screwed up big time not only with Robert but with Katie and Ryan. I never meant for everything to end up the way it did. If I could start over this school year, I would do so many things differently. I don't even know where to begin in explaining. I think it was good that those 3 get me out of their lives for 4 days, at the very least. All I am is a burden, I swear.
I'm actually home by myself right now, watching baseball. It's weird. My sister and mom are at the Amazing Race (which I wish I was at, too) and my dad is at work. No surprise that he's spending more time at the school since I left for UIndy, but I guess he's there until 6 every night now, which is late for him. That's almost 11 hours a day that he's spending at the school during a weekday. Sheesh.
Now I understand why when Britt, Kim, and Steve come home, they just want to be back at school. I mean, it's great to have the novelties of home and everything. I don't feel stressed or anything like that either, but at the same time...things are weird at home. Like, I feel like I should be doing something. At school, I'm constantly doing something, whether it's listening to music, watching TV, hanging out in someone's room, going to class, getting ready to go out somewhere...whatever. Here, everything is so much slower, and it's just weird to me. I was so antsy last night.
Anyway, guess I'll watch some more baseball before I start loading up on the warm clothes for the soccer game tonight. It's gonna be freezing! But I can't wait!
Love Always,
Alison
PS: I now have to come home 4 out of the 6 weekends from now until Thanksgiving. Sheesh. But some good news is that I think Casie is going to come and stay with me over her Fall Break for a day or two. Maybe she can come to One Accord with me. That would be great!
