4:10 pm - February 24, 2005
This nostalgic moment brought to you by a drug addict
I think the one thing that has really run through my head the past couple of days is: "What do I do now?"
I mean...really. I'm directionless at the moment. I feel like I'm spinning in circles, waiting for someone to stop me and point me one way. Then I'll be okay. But I think I'm going to have to stop myself. It's been rough. I hate sitting in class and something flashes into my head. It's all of the little things that hurt the most. And I remember that I'm not the only one hurting, which just makes it worse. If there was one person in this world that I never wanted to hurt, it's Jordan. And it makes me sick to my stomach to think about hurting him. I'm afraid to go home. Because what am I supposed to do? This is my biggest fear right now is going home for Spring Break and Easter.
My friends have done a great job of keeping me distracted when I'm not weighted down by massive amounts of schoolwork. Jeannie, Kristen, Susan, and I stayed up until 2:00 in the morning on Monday talking. It was wonderful. I was wired on Tuesday because I got like, 4 hours of sleep. And Eric has really been keeping me amused. He's said some rather..."offensive" things as of lately, but it's just been these random outbursts of anger that have actually been hilarious. The other night, he told me to stop making fun of him, and I asked him what he was going to do about it. He like, screamed, "I'll skullf*** you!" And then just dropped his jaw, and Peter and I lost it completely. He apologized profusely and would barely talk for the rest of the night. It was pretty funny.
I'm looking forward to this weekend so much. Actually, starting tonight. The OC is on at 8 of course. And then at 9:15ish, I'm going to get ice cream with Emily, Peter, and Eric. Then we're going to the dollar theater to see Ocean's Twelve with as many people as possible. Tomorrow, Peter and I are going to the Black Comedy dinner theater in Schwitzer at 8. Saturday, I convinced him to go with me to the girls' basketball semi-state game at Southport. Then we're coming back here, and Brinny, Kim, and Steve are coming to see me. I cannot wait to see them. I get to give Kim one of my scary hugs. So I'm really looking forward to that.
Plus, my exam for Monday got moved to Wednesday, so I don't have to worry about studying this weekend. Sigh. I'm really tired right now. I read my Psych chapter on Stress disorders, and it made me really sleepy. I need to do my math homework tonight after dinner. Because I'm not going to be doing anything but going to bed after the movie tonight. It doesn't start until 9:50.
I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of feeling all of this ridiculous pain in my sinuses. I'm tired of taking so much medication. It makes my mouth taste disgustingly like metal (that's the antibiotic.) And now I have a sore throat...so how is all of this medicine helping? I think I'm missing something here.
I'm hungry...it's only 4:30. Rubbish. I think my cussing is getting a little better, by the way.
I think it's funny how everyone that was in my class at MV still seems so attached to each other. They're all still hanging out and going to see each other on the weekends. I could really care less. But then again, I wasn't close to hardly anyone in our class except Tom...and we're not gonna talk about him. I do kinda miss the tennis girls though.
Anyway.
Love Always
Alison
