3:32 pm - March 16, 2005
Our puppy is crazy.
I'm absolutely miserable today, and I don't know why.
I mean, last night, I went and got upset over something stupid that is out of my hands. And I also realized why it is that people, particularly girls, don't like me.
If you know me very well at all, you may have noticed that I almost always get what I want. I've been spoiled all of my life, and I'm still always getting what I want, whether it's from my family or from others around me. I'm beginning to realize that I must be extremely annoying. I don't know why or how I eventually always get what I want. But...I don't know. Just a recent observation.
I hate feeling jealous. Especially when I know that I have so much more than others. I was beating myself up last night for feeling jealousy, because it's such a STUPID emotion.
I had my interview today, and while it went well, Dan told me that I wouldn't be able to start working until about the middle of July. So yes, that gives me a month and a half of work, but also a month and a half without work. And I think he wants me to continue working during the year. But I couldn't do that because I don't have a car at school. So I really don't know about this. So I'm just frustrated with the whole working situation. I picked up another job application today, and I'll probably need to pick up some more on Friday and fill them out and have my mom return them for me after I go back to school. Sigh, I hate this. Another reason I'm spoiled: I've never worked for money. People just give it to me. I mean, my grandparents send me money every week at school. When I come home and say I'm short on money, my dad gives me cash and moves money to my bank account. They're paying for my trip to Barbados. They pay for my school, they pay for my books, they pay for my gas. They pay for everything.
But I want to be self-sufficient.
Today, I was frustrated after the interview, so I went shopping. This was not a good idea. I think the most dangerous thing that a girl can do is to go shopping alone. Which is what I did. By the time that I was ready to leave, I had 3 shirts (two of which I was absolutely in love with) and a dress. And I had found at least 2 pairs of shoes that I wanted terribly. Then I went to Payless and found this amazing pair of heels. They were amazingly colorful and comfortable. But I'm pretty sure that I own nothing that would match them. So I was upset. I didn't buy anything, which just kinda made me feel worse. I think I might go into G-field and go to FB and look for some cheap stuff for a little bit. Sigh.
Tomorrow's my day off. I'm looking forward to not having to get up and get ready. The only thing that I might do is go over to Bryan's and watch the OC over there and hang out with him for his last night here. We'll see. Right now, I'm in no mood to see anyone but 1 person. Sigh. I'm going to go and read and make myself more grumpy.
Love Always,
Alison
